Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Chocolate covered what?!...

So last week was full of firsts for me. First time in Des Moines, IA and in Chicago, IL. First time seeing a lightning bug. First time staying in my own hotel room and incidentallly in a king sized bed all to myself (which I have to say though is unfortunately somewhat overrated when you don't move at all during the night and you have this weird paranoia that requires you to sleep on the farthest side of the bed from the door instead of sprawling out in the middle of the bed...I really need to stop watching television...). First time going to a state fair. And yes, you guessed it, the first time I have ever eaten chocolate covered bacon on a stick. I know what you're thinking. Gross. Trust me, until you have tried it, you don't know what gross means.

Whoever said that putting two favorite things together to make something even better should really learn that it's not appropriate to proliferate theoretic ideas that may ultimately prove the doom of tastebuds and stomach stability alike for thousands of unsuspecting citizens. Alright fine, I'll give you that I was not so "unsuspecting," but that doesn't change the fact that the man should be trampled. Or at the very least kicked rather sternly in the shin. No but seriously, I'd take eating Boa Constrictor or even Chuno over that again any day of the week. Maybe even edamame...though that's a close call.

All in all though, I would definitely say the Iowa State Fair was the highlight of my trip. As far as fairs go it was magnificent (sure I don't really have anything to compare it to, but that's wholly and completely beside the point). I fully intend to attend the AZ State Fair this year though I have been told by quite a few that it will most definitely be quite the let down after the fair joys that I have already experienced. For your viewing pleasure, I have selected a few pictures to illustrate the untouchable awesomeness that is the Iowa State Fair:

Directly to your right is the world's largest sow (I know what you're thinking and let me be the first to say in my best Stephanie Tanner impersonation, "How rude!"). OK, well maybe not the world's biggest but at least Iowa's. OK, well at least the biggest one that was entered into the contest. Just trust me, it was large. Next year they will be able to make a ton of chocolate covered bacon with this baby.

And now to our left we have the winner of the State Fair's largest bull contest. Let's just say that I would not ever want to be caught with this guy in a dark alley or in a well lit field...

Directly below us we have me hugging the "not-the-biggest-pumpkin-at-the-Iowa-State-Fair-but-the-roundest-and-most-orange-looking-one-they-had" pumpkin. No that wasn't really posted on a sign anywhere...though I wish it had been. It's true title is "Fifth Place." I think my title is better. Personal opinion. Whatever.

And now for the moment you have all been waiting for...whether that be subconsciously or not...the picture that will more than likely change the way you look at the world...or at least butter...I present to you, the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow! That's right my friends, this beauty of a photo you now see to the bottom right is a picture of me (the only person in the photo hopefully not to be confused with the large mass of cow-shaped butter in the back) with (though I run the risk of sounding redundant) a large mass of cow-shaped butter. You may now all gasp with pleasure and great astonishment. I'll wait. Now I have been asked, on more than one occasion I might add, if I had a nearly irresitible desire to rush the butter cow with a stalk of sweet corn. And the answer of course is yes. However, my wild rushing would have only served to give me a fairly sizeable bruise more than likely on the noggin due to our beloved butter cow's state-of-the-art, nearly impenetrable security system. I think they call it glass. So most woefully I was unable to reach out and caress the cow that was made of butter though I am quite certain I heard it mooing in sadness for lack of human contact. But I suppose the Iowa State Fair people take their cows made of butter seriously. Something about some crazy fear they got into their heads about some random lunatic wanting to "rush" the butter cow with a stalk of sweet corn...I mean it's already sweet, why would you need butter.....whatever....

All in all a successful first outing to the fair. Though pictures were not taken I also indulged in pork chop on a stick, pineapple on a stick (my personal favorite) and old fashioned homemade rootbeer (which in fact was neither old nor homemade but the stage name sure did make me feel better about the drinking of said beverage). I didn't get to any of the rides, but perhaps next time. In the meantime I'm making plans for next year's trip. Perhaps I could be a carnie next year and come up with something good...chocolate covered boa constrictor on a stick anyone? Come on, its gotta be better.