Welcome to my gaping wound! Alright, it really isn't so gaping any more, thusly the title of this post. For those of you unaware, back in January there was a slight incident with some scissors...let's just say your mother was right to tell you not to run with them...Alright, not really. But if that had been the case, I personally think it would have been a great story, and I would have single handedly validated mothers across the world! The short (and true) tale is that I had a treacherous thyroid whose presence I could abide no longer. And so, I yanked it out. And superglued my neck back together again. Alright, I didn't superglue my neck back together, the doctor did. Two thumbs up for superglue!!! Oh and the doctor too. Good job.
To the left you will see Day 1 of Subject A (that's me!) - slit throat in all its glory mere hours after surgery. (Quick shout out to Kelley for having the forethought to bring her camera in order to document what I hope will be a once in a lifetime experience--I mean after all, I only have one thyroid.)
After a two night stay in the hospital--I extended my stay by one night because I just really loved the service--the nurses put me out and told me to go home. I soon recovered from my initial shock and told my mother, "To Panda!"--actually she was heading there anyway and I figured what the heck, even if I can't look left, right, up, or down I could eat. I think my mother summed up my appearance & general all-around-gorgeousness on my first day out of the hospital while we were sitting in Walmart waiting for "the man" to get me some meds when I turned to her--and when I say turned, I do literally mean my whole body as at that point my neck was incapable of making such a masterful twist--and noted that she had an odd expression written across her face. I asked, "Whatcha thinkin Mom?" To which she replied, "It looks like you were attacked by Jack the Ripper." Side note, if you are thinking my neck looks greasy, that's because it is. It's actually covered in antibiotic goop. Apparently superglue can close you up but can't keep out infections, you know like gangrene...that would be unpleasant...course then I could tell people I had gangrene...now that would be a story.
Moving on and a few days ahead, my throat is looking much better if you ask me. A little yellow...not sure if that is sort of some residual bruising or if I have jaundice of the neck, but it eventually goes away, so either way it's all good. On the upside though I'm looking slightly less greasy which I think is a definite plus because contrary to popular belief due to some time spent in foreign lands, I do support general cleanliness. (Jensen & Dunn remember the code - what happens in Bolivia stays in Bolivia.)
And just so you don't have to stare just at my extra smiley face all day long, here I am with my neck and my head! Note the appearance of both my smiley faces. This means I was extra happy when we took this picture. I must have been having an especially good day--even if my hair wasn't being overly cooperative.
As time passed I received fewer and fewer gawking stares from strangers in the grocery store (which really is too bad because I find that I kind of enjoyed their stunned looks) and was even able to take up driving again as full rotational skills returned (freedom!).
And now here we are about 2 months after surgery and my smiley face has finally begun to disappear. Well at least it doesn't look like it is wearing lipstick anymore. :)
So what has this experience taught us?
1. Superglue really is super.
2. Neck wounds can be fun in public arenas.
3. Trying to play the organ without neck mobility is nigh unto impossible though apparently very amusing for your friends down in the congregation. (Yes I saw you laughing...I still had peripheral vision and you were in the front row!)
4. And finally, two smiles are always better than one!